I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
