Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
