the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Randomize
