have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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