I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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