Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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