Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize