Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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