Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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