In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
