dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
