you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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