So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
