I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
