i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
