Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
