I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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