Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
