mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
please come you make the beer taste better
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
