I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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