If that was your dad, he is hot
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
