I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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