So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
