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so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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