What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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