Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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