whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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