I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
