You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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