Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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