I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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