Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
