Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
