Nicole vs. Life
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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