I heard we made out
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
