I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
