Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
