Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
