I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize