I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My breasts were aching with rage.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize