whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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