I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
