well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
