I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize