zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
