I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
