All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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