she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
