Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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