I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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