He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
