I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You are a genius and a whore.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
