How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
