I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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