dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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