I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
