ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
