So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
