i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize