NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
