and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
