What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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